He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
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I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
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He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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