You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize