I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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