I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
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I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
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He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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