Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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