My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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