Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
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I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
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It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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