I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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