I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize