Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
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It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
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I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize