I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize