You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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