2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
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he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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