he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize