Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
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No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
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Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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