How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
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I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
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You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize