Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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