i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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