So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The air taste purple.
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