she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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