I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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