I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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