in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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