When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
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i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
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I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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