There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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