i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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