so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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