I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
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If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
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Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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