My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
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I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
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There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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