I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
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Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
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Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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