you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
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I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
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Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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