What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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