i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
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we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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