I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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