I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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