I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
50% drunk capacity currently
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize