someone owes me an orgasm
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your like the ambassador to my penis.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dear god my vagina.
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