I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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