I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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