Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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