you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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