so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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