I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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