I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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