I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
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I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
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I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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