That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize