Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
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he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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