I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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