I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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