Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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