come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize